


Hooray for me

by Menochange



Series: The Idiot's Guide to Stopping a Wedding [1]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alby and Brenda are the best friends ever, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Newt throws a pity party, Teresa is most likely a manipulative bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 06:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2611229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menochange/pseuds/Menochange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas and Newt have been together for years.<br/>Thomas is getting married.<br/>Newt throws a pity party.<br/>Alby and Brenda are there to get drunk and set the record straight.</p><p> </p><p>“You hate pizza and vodka”</p><p>Newt knew even without looking that she was staring at him with her ‘I’m ready to psychoanalyze the next words that come out of your mouth look’ ready to put all those long hours of sitting through boring psych tutorials to good use.<br/>H<br/>“Well I hate myself right now too so pizza and vodka will fit the theme of this pity party… hooray for me” he deadpans</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hooray for me

“That BITCH… that two faced boyfriend stealing BITCH” Brenda yelled pacing up and down the room in a rage.

“Bren Stop, she’ll hear you…”

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE… THAT SKANK … I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE HER… THAT BLOODY….”

“It’s not like you can talk, face it if you were here you would have thrown yourself at Thomas too” Alby interjected from where he was laying on the bed.

“Guys….”

“NO I FUCKING WOULDN’T HAVE… I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT NEWT AND THOMAS ARE MAD FOR EACH OTHER”

“Guys….”

“Well maybe if that shank managed to keep it in his pants then they’d still be together”

“YEAH WELL SHE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN BETTER… HE IS A GUY… AND IDIOT I AGREE BUT SERIOUSLY SHE KNEW AND SHE STILL FUCKING WENT FOR IT”

“SO WHAT THAT SLINT-HEAD GETS LET OFF THE FUCKING HOOK BECAUSE HE’S A GUY. NEWT HERE IS A GUY AND HE’S NOT SLEEPING WITH EVERY SLUT THAT THROWS THEMSELVES AT HIM”

“Guys”

“MAYBE HE SHOULD AND YOU ADMIT SHE’S A SLUT”

“I NEVER DISAGREED THAT SHE WAS ONE, WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT BEING A GUY DOESN’T LET HIM OFF THE HOOK, AND WHY THE FUCK DOES NEWT NEED TO SLEEP AROUND”

“I ALSO SAID HE’S AN IDIOT AND OF COURSE HE NEEDS TO FUCKING SLEEEP AROUND”

“THAT’S NOT THE FUCKING POINT…”

“GUYS”

“MY POINT SHOULD BE THAT NEWT SHOULD FUCK AROUND, SAY FUCK YOU TO THOMAS …..”

“YOU’RE FULL OF SHIT, WHAT YOU THINK IF NEWT SLEEPS AROUND THEN THIS WEDDING IS JUSTIFIED”

“ALL I’M SAYING IS THAT NEWT DOESN’T OWE THOMAS ANYTHING

**“WOULD YOU BLOODY IDIOTS JUST SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP….. AND STOP TALKING ABOUT MY FUCKING SEX LIFE AT THE TOP OF YOUR FUCKING LUNGS SO THAT THE WHOLE GOD DAMNED BLOODY WORLD CAN HEAR WHO I’M FUCKING SHAGGING WHICH IS NO ONE BECAUSE THE LOVE OF MY FUCKING LIFE IS GETTING FUCKING MARRIED IN TWO FUCKING WEEKS. SO IF YOU BLOODY SHANKS CAN’T BE HELPFUL AND GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING BOOZE OR A FUCKING CANCER STICK THEN GET THE FUCK OUT”**

“Wow…”

“Newt…”

“What the fuck am I going to do guys…”

The room was silent for a moment before the bed creaked and a warm hand wrapped around his shoulders, knees pressing into his left thigh in an awkward manner as he was held in the sideward embrace. Brenda stopped pacing and sat on the floor on his right pushing Alby in a more comfortable position.

“The very first thing you should have done was call us the minute things went to hell” she said quietly pressing he head up against his folded knees.

“I know, it was stupid … but it all happened so fast like dominoes, it was just one thing after another until… you know we got to this point and you guys had your own issues and I thought I could deal with me and Tommy breaking up you know.. It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve fought and I didn’t really think we were going to actually permanently break up but…”

“Start from the start, what happened” Alby’s voice finally broke through the silence when Newt didn’t continue.

“Ok, look I can do this. I’ll tell you but I Vodka… lots and lots of Vodka and pizza the greasiest fucking pizza you can find”

“You hate pizza and vodka”

Newt knew even without looking that she was staring at him with her ‘I’m ready to psychoanalyze the next words that come out of your mouth look’ ready to put all those long hours of sitting through boring assed psych tutorials to good use.

“Well I hate myself right now too so pizza and vodka will fit the theme of this pity party… hooray for me” he deadpans willing his voice not break.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s nearly an hour later, with three half eaten pizzas, a 2 litre tub of mint double chocolate fudge ice cream, two bottles of vodka, a bottle of tequila and some questionable beer scattered round them that the question of what really happened comes up again.

 

“It was so fucking stupid, we had gone to see his parents and his mother basically implied that I was trash just because I have two work two jobs to fucking support myself.. I mean I’ve always known she’s hated me even back in high school you know but she started going on about how art isn’t a viable field for someone like me... like I was a second class bloody citizen and saying bullshit and doing all but fucking saying that the only reason that me and Tommy were together was because I was a fucking gold digger”

“That BITCH” Brenda fumed “I’ve always hated that uppity snobby two faced ...”

“Bet her and Teresa get along great” Alby rolled his eyes.

“Yeah well, you guys remember how she was back in high school, it was all ‘hello trust fund children so glad that you could all join us in our uppity bloody mansion, welcome, welcome all oh Newton so glad you could join us we do love to give to charity’ before warning the security guards and house staff to make sure I don’t bloody steal anything god forbid if she misplaces fucking china or her bloody pearl necklace… ‘it’s worth a fortune you know, one of a kind isn’t it gorgeous’ ….” The high pitched imitation breaking off as laughter shook through him.

“Oh….My…Fucking…God…”Brenda laughed pausing for a moment to catch her breath “I totally forgot that she accused you of stealing her jewellery”

“Of course you did… I was the one who nearly went to jail, before Tommy realised what happened and had to explain to his mother that the reason I was sneaking out of the house was because we were shagging and I had to get home before school started and not because I was robbing them and that my years of friendship with him was not my was of casing the fucking house… also that he fucking jewellery was where she fucking left it the judgemental bitch”

“I remember that, Thomas came to school and couldn’t look at you all day without blushing” Alby grinned.

“The point is she was being he usual bitchy self, but me and Tommy were fight before we went to see her…”

“About?” Both of them asked in unison.

“Money… specifically Tommy’s money…”

“Wait, he doesn’t actually believe the rubbish that woman was sprouting” Alby exclaimed looking outraged.

“Yes... Well not he doesn’t... He didn’t believe I am... I was a gold digger. We were fighting because he didn’t see the point of me working one job let alone two... I tried to explain it to him, remind him that I don’t… I didn’t need his fucking money… he just kept arguing about how I didn’t need to work and how I didn’t need to have my own apartment and how if we lived together I would have more time for art and he had a point… I mean, I’m barely holding myself together between art school, my jobs and my social life and that includes Tommy...”

“So why didn’t you take him up on his offer?”

“You don’t understand Brenda, if I took him up on his offer every fucking thing his mother says about me is fucking true, I don’t want to be his fucking kept man… we are equals and financial independence is the way I can prove that”

“Sounds to me like a whole lot of Klunk to me, we know Tommy treats you as an equal and the two of you have been together for years, he knows your independent, headstrong and by god does that boy know your equals. He loves you, he has from the moment he saw you freshmen year, you remember all the blushing and stumbling”

“Don’t forget the stuttering, the mumbling, and the cheesy stupid pick-up lines and …”

“THE LOVEY DOVEY NOTICE ME NEWT FACES” They both yelled together laughing.

“Yeah well… he doesn’t love me now…”

That sobered them both right up.

“Ok, I think you need to speed up the timeline because the last time I was in town you and Tommy-boy were still in your long and everlasting honeymoon phase and I don’t think one stupid fight would have changed that…” Brenda challenged after the long and awkward pause.

“Well it did, long story short we broke up and didn’t talk for a week and then I hear he’s sleeping with Teresa.”

“Like multiple times, wow that must of made that skank’s year… we all know she’s been pining for him forever… her only real competition was you and but that I mean it was no competition because Tommy boy never even took his eyes off you to realise that other people were around”

“I don’t bloody know, I’ve only heard of once but you know they are getting married now”

“Why”

“I don’t bloody know ya slint head. We weren’t fucking together so he’s was allowed to shag whoever the fuck he wanted”

“No. I mean why he is marrying her, there is no way he loves her.”

“Yeah well it doesn’t matter….”

“NEWTON... What aren’t you telling us” Brenda asked gripping his arm tightly until he looked her in the eye.

“Ow... Bloody hell you bloody witch” he whined pulling his arm out of her iron like grip “Fine… Got her fucking pregnant”

“BULLSHIT” Brenda and Alby yelled at the same time.

“THERE IS NO WAY HE GOT THAT BITCH PREGNANT”

“WHY THE HELL WOULD THAT EVEN MATTER... IT’S THE FUCKING 2014”

Newt’s bitter laugh cut them both off “I know you guys both live in the bit city now but here in the quiet country town of Scorch we are perpetually stuck in the eighteen hundreds, so if a guy gets a girl bloody pregnant, he will man the fuck up and bloody marry her”

The room was silent for a moment with each of them lost in their own thoughts.

“He’s doing the right thing… That kid, his kid won’t ever think that his or her dad doesn’t love them or abandoned them… it’s the right thing to do and Tommy loves Teresa, they’re having a child together … he’s going to have the bloody life he deserves”

“Newt… buddy, he loves …”

  
 **“Don’t you dare… don’t you bloody dare… if he loved me he wouldn’t have slept with her, he would have called me … he would have… I don’t know what he would have done but he would have done bloody something… instead I had to hear it from the fucking rat man”**

 

“He’s an idiot, I swear I stated that at the very start of the conversation…” she held up her hand to stop both of them from speaking “But, Newt listen to me… he loves you, he loves you more than he loves life itself and the fact that this charade... I’m not done … yes I said charade has been going on for so long, is pitiful and I’m going to stop it.”

“Brenda”

“Newt listen to me in the place of Minho who is not here for obvious reasons, mainly because whilst he hates Teresa’s guts he is still Thomas’ best friend, you’re an idiot!... don’t even think of interrupting me” her glare stopping the words in his mouth “ Thomas is the kind of guy who would marry a girl because he got them pregnant regardless of his own feelings, which makes this situation highly suspicious, Teresa was probably conveniently there to comfort Thomas when you two fight which is less convenient and more desperation of a self-entitled little…. but we’ll move on… from that particular point...” she added hastily at Alby’s judgmental stare and pointed cough

“What Brenda is trying and failing to say is that everything that’s going on is really convenient in normal circumstances, Mrs Green would wait months for a proper paternity test before even considering a wedding, but with Teresa conveniently pregnant they both get what they want. Mrs Green gets her son away from you and Teresa gets Thomas. You see what we’re saying here?”

“Look as much as you both clearly think so, I’m not an idiot. They had a test done, she’s defiantly pregnant”

“And we are sure that it’s Thomas’ baby?”

“Well no but…”

“Newt… what’s the chances that Thomas actually slept with Teresa without being shit faced drunk, what are the chances of him even getting up for her”

“I’m sure he can….”

“Dude… look I never… and I mean never want to talk let alone think about Thomas’ junk again and if either of you ever bring up this conversation I deny it to my dying breath are we clear” Alby paused long enough to ensure that they both nodded before continuing “With that said you can understand the significance of what I’m about to say to you. It’s this simple… Thomas probably couldn’t get it up for a room full of the hottest people in the world if you weren’t also in that room. He hasn’t been able to since he met you ok and when he was with other people like Sharon in sophomore year he was thinking about you”

“That’s not tr…”

“Newt… all I used to hear about in the locker rooms before and after track practice was you and how Tommy couldn’t get laid because of your arse…”

There was an awkward moment of silence before Brenda started laughing which set the rest of them off until they could barely breathe.

“That was way back in high school, it could have…”

“Don’t even … not after I just repeated that shit out loud…”

“Ok say your right… the wedding is going down in less than two weeks, Teresa is still pregnant and whilst we think that Tommy isn’t the father we don’t know for sure and Tommy hasn’t spoken two words to me since the fight…”

“I don’t know but we’ll figure it out, for now though we still have a ton of fucking food and drinks, who’s up for a drinking game?”

“I’ve got Sharnado one and two on DVD?”

“Great, so we drink for every stupid death that occurs?” Alby called over his shoulder getting up to grab the ice cream from the freezer.

“Hell no, we drink at every time someone says something stupid!” Brenda smirked

“Is that open for interpretation because I’ve not to say if it is then I’m gonna be bloody drinking from start to end”

“That’s the plan Newton… Get fucked up tonight, get fucking hung over tomorrow and work on getting your lover boy back the day after”

“That’s a god awful bloody plan…” Newt groaned

“At least it’s a plan” Alby smiled handing out glasses of liquor as they all made their way to the couch

“You mean it resembles a plan… you know if you squint”

“We’ll work out the kinks tomorrow whilst we nurse our epic hangovers, now quit your whining and put in the bloody movie”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, i'm not sure if i'll continue this story. if i do it will probably be a series.  
> Let me know if you like it... its a bit rough, i haven't written anything properly for a while so :)


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